As we begin to wrap up work on our FILTH issue, I am reminded of one of the pieces published by PRISM that tickled my brain about what kind of work could be teased out if we set a theme around the concept of transgression and taboo. Ironically, the selections we received surprised me in entirely different ways; but still, it felt prudent for us to revisit Slide, a careful and immersive short story exploring a “she said, he said” from our Summer 2021 issue, PRISM 59.4. I hope it lingers in your thoughts as it did mine.
Sincerely,
Zahra Mayeesha
Prose Editor
Slide by Kyle Raymond Fitzpatrick
Girl
He touched me. On the slide. Down there. We goin down the slide an he touched me down there. He laughed an he touched me. On my legs an up. He pat me there. He pat my legs an then went up. Behind me. We gone down the slide together. Behind me an he was holding me. We laughed an on the way down he was touching me. I don know. He touched me. You tol me to tell you if a boy touched me an he touched me. We were on the slide, the big yellow slide. The macaroni slide not the hot metal slide. Danika an Latoya an Baron were on the slide too. Theyre all girls but Baron. He isn’t a girl. They play with girls. They play with girls because they are like girls. Baron was in back. Baron dinnt touched me. Kyle touched me. Kyle was behind me an touched me. We slided down together. We all slided down together an I was in the front. Me then Kyle an Danika an Latoya an Baron. That was how we were. He was touching me. We have to wear skirts because that’s our uniforms. We were in PE clothes. Shorts. An a t-shirt on too. He touched me there, with his fingers. The fingers were on me. I don wanna show you where. He was laughing. I tol Mrs. Witcomb after we slided. We came out the slide onto the plastic ground. We were laughing an rolling around. Baron said we were a buncha hampsters. We all rolled around an laughing. I got up because I knew he had touched me an I finisheded laughing. I tol Mrs. Witcomb, “Kyle touched me.” She made a tight face like she was squeezing something. I don know. She dinnt get him, no. We went inside an they kept on playing. He dinnt touched me before. Hes not bad. Hes nice. Hes nice an touched me. I dinnt like it because I dinnt ask. You tol me to tell you if anyone touched me. He touched me. I don wanna show you anymore. If youre mad at me I don wanna tell you. He did, he did touched me. I don wanna tell you anymore if youre mean. You tol me to say if someone touched me an someone did. Don be mad at me. Hes my friend.
Mama
We agree this is not the physical education that children should be having. This is not somethings any children should have to deal with. Are there teachers outside during physical education, Brandtch? It’s a bit weird to me that five childs are sliding together—especially a slide that is like a tube—and two of those children are boys. That’s a bit weird to me.
We got a problem here. I am coming to your office first because this is not the sort of thing I want to get bigger people involved with because I don’t think it’s that serious but it is serious, enough that we need to have conversations about making my child safety here. I want to make sure she is watched. I am making myself clear, yes?
We are paying too much to be here, Brandtch. I think you are doing your job and this is why I am frustrated, Brandtch—
Yes, Dr. Brandtch. My mistake.
I do not need this to be happening now but it is happening now and we have to take care, okay? I took the day from Veracruz—and we both know I cannot be taking the day from Veracruz too many times because, if emergencies happen, it’s only Joaquin at Veracruz. You think he can cooking in the kitchen and managing the entire floor? No. I do not have time to be coming here, dealing with what you are supposed to be preventing. Do you want to be why there is not best Mexican food in Killeen for today or any day? You sit with that, Brandtch.
Do your job so I can do mine. Are you understanding?
I can take Naomi to Mem—Mem
Yes, that one. The Baptists. I can do that, Brandtch. We have been to Grace Christian since we moved here—
From Veracruz, yes—but this is not story times. This is the church and school we love because we feel people love us here. Mem—Mem—
Yes—at the Baptists they are too rude to us. Iglesia Adventista is not too great either—but here? We feel real. This is important to us. Situations like what we have here make me question if your feelings are true. Am I clear?
I am saying this as another lover of Christ who wants to make sure her daughter is pure for Him. I am a barrier before evil or anything can touching her. You, Grace Christian, everyone here: you are supposed to be barriers too. I do not need barriers to break. No.
Please have a conversation with Mrs. Wittcome. If she isn’t doing her jobs then I am going to need Naomi in other classes.
It’s not my problem you can’t afford more teachers and more classes. Figure this out. We pay too much and I’m saying this again to you: Baptist is down the road and we will go. If I have to coming here again, I will be taking Naomi out. We both know Baptist isn’t as good but I think they have respect and will listen—and they will know about this. I can call up Pastor Reiner over there and have conversations. Naomi can be in that school before I finish telling you, “Our time at Grace Christian is over.”
Can you imagine what Pastor Reiner will say? Can you imagine what everyone will say when we had to taking Naomi out of Grace Christian because Brandtch is letting sexualities happen? And no—no: conversations will not end with Reiner. I will have conversations all over town, at churches, in newspapers. I will put up a sign on the door to Veracruz. “Brandtch lets kids have sexualities.” Grace Christian will close.
Am I clear? We have a problem. We have a problem of my daughter being touched by a dangerous boy.
You understands why I’m angry? Do your job so I can do mine. If I come back here, it will not be good.
Expel the boy if that is what you need to be doing. These are not my cisions to make. You figure it out. You are a doctor, Brandtch. We need discipline or we will be not coming here for school. These are a promise I am making.
Principal
This is a very important no-no. Do you understand, sweetie? Do you understand that this is a problem called sexual harassment, sweetie?
I don’t care if you did or did not do it, Kai’el. Your name came up, sweetie. You touched Nyeohme Alvarez in-a-pro-pre-it-lee, point blank, the end of the story.
Touching down there on anyone is plain wrong. You should not be touching down there on anyone, sweetie. It is wrong in our American society and it is wrong in our Christian faith. Do you understand this, sweetie?
Maybe this isn’t taught over in the Catholic churches but this is something we teach here and abide by at Grace Christian. These are Christian values, regardless of your Christly persuasion. Keep your hands to yourself, sweetie. That is on the Ten Commandments, under not coveting your neighbor’s wife. That’s where that falls and, even if Nyeohme and you were married, you cannot be do touching like that without permission. End of story, morning glory, sweetie.
I want you to stop crying and listen to me, okay? Sweetie, you are in trouble. And who do you have to blame for this? Yourself. If this is something you do not understand, then this is something we need to have a larger conversation about with your mother and father. Okay, sweetie? This is something we call account-a-bill-idy. You need to be account-a-bull for your actions. In this case, you touched Nyeohme. That was wrong, sweetie.
You were going down a slide, you are right, but I don’t care if y’all were rumblin’ around all over or what. People got touched, sweetie. I get that. What is wrong here is that you went touching outside of a-pro-pre-at touching. You got to in-a-pro-pre-at touching. You did foul play and that is wrong, sweetie. You violated one of the Ten Commandments. You lost your spe-rit-u-all account-a-bill-idy and sinned—and not just against the Lord but you sinned against Nyeohme. You ruined her. You know that, Kai’el? You ruined her in a way she will never recover from, not in her eyes, not in my eyes, and not in the eyes of our Lord. You did something severe, sweetie.
It’s okay to be confused but these are not things that are confusing. Fourth grade aside, you disrespected her. Nyeohme says so and her mother says so. You even said so too by telling me you touched her. You were all touching on that slide. Even if you didn’t mean to touch her or anyone else, the fact is that you did, sweetie. You sinned against her even if you didn’t know you sinned against her. Am I making myself clear, sweetie? A sin is a sin is a sin—and that is the state you are in.
Now. Kai’el. Are you saved, sweetie?
I would say that this has to do with that. I think these impure thoughts in that impure mind of yours—these con-fuse-shuns—that have led to impure acts all have to do with your not being saved. Here, at Grace Christian, we abide by the Lord and take him into our hearts. We are saved by him and in him and through him. Have you been saved, sweetie?
Aww. Come here, Kai’el. Come here. Don’t cry, sweetie. I know you’re confused.
Let’s pray. Too-geth-her. I want you to confess. Tell me what you did.
No, being confused isn’t the sin. What was yore ss-in? Confess that to me.
The sin isn’t confusion, Kai’el.
Yes, that’s the sin. You touched Nyeohme.
See? This is how we pave the road to Him: by admitting our faults.
We are at His feet on the cross. See him up there? On that cross?
He is very skinny, I see that, sweetie. You know what he is doing up there? You know why he is so skinny up there, Kai’el?
He is dye-in for you. He is dye-in for you because people like you have committed sins. We are not perfect. We are only so much like Him but we try and we try and we try to be the perfect people that we can be. Do you know what I mean?
Do you believe you can change, Kai’el? Do you believe that you can change your ways and repent and own your sin, change yourself to be beloved? We have to humble our hearts to him. We have to see what he did for us, in our own ways.
Yes, you can touch the cross. Let me grab it.
Feel his hands. Feel his feet. Feel his sai’de, where they drew his blood. Feel him.
He is skinny, I know. He is that skinny because he is dye-in. He is dye-in so that sinners like us will live. He took all of our sins—the sins that have been done, the sins that will be done, the sins that you have done—and he carried them on his small, small back. The least we can do is thank him and accept him in our hearts. Can you do this for him? Can you tell him your sin, sweetie?
No. Kai’el, the sin is not being confused.
Yes, that’s it. That’s the sin. You touched Nyeohme. And that was wrong.
Do you believe in Him and in His power to raise us up, to care for us when we are careless, to love us and our sins even when we are not worthy of Him? Do you believe this, Kai’el? Do you believe in his way and his truth and his light?
I want you to bow your head with me. Bow your head, sweetie.
Father God, I want you to know that I am a sinner.
Yes, repeat after me, Kai’el.
Father God, I want you to know that I am a sinner.
I want you to know that I am not pure. I am bad. I deserve your hell.
I believe you died for us. I believe you took my sins as your own.
Yes, repeat that too, Kai’el: I believe you died for us and I believe you took my sins as your own.
I take you in my heart, Father God.
You are my Savior, Jesus Christ, the One and the Only.
Please save me, Lord.
In your name, I believe. Ah-man.
Ah-man.
How does that feel, Kai’el? Do you feel better?
These things are confusing. You’re on the right path though. It’s okay to cry. You are on your way out sinning. I believe you can be pure too. And you know who else believes you can do it?
Yes: Him. He does. Our Father God, Jesus, believes you can do it too.
Mom
Pero él no entiende, Carla. Pero—
Fine, I won’t speak Spanish even though everyone else here is speaking Spanish. I thought we would be more comfortable not speaking English but I was wrong.
Carla, Kyle doesn’t understand what he did wrong. He has no idea what is happening, especially because all Dr. Branch did was “save” him which was confusing because he has no idea what “saving” even is. He doesn’t know what that means.
Of course he feels bad! But he doesn’t know what he did wrong and what that has to do with being Catholic or not. He’s eight, Carla. Eight.
I believe Naomi but I don’t believe Kyle did anything wrong. He says he was having fun and they all were just going down a slide. He doesn’t remember doing anything and he told me that he did not—and does not—like Naomi and would never touch her inappropriately.
Look at him. He’s a gentle boy, Carla. Look at him playing with Naomi. Would you have let them play if you didn’t see that he was kind and loving? I can’t stress that enough: he’s the gentlest boy. He isn’t the type who preys on girls. He is the smallest boy in their class and—
Carla. I understand. Danger does come in all shapes and sizes—but that “danger”? That “danger” has no idea what sex is.
Does Naomi know what sex is?
We haven’t had the talk with him either and aren’t planning on having the talk with him for some time, for at least two more years. It’s just not something he could or would understand because he is a child. They’re both children. We don’t let him watch PG-13 movies for a reason.
Carla. You’re not listening to me. Look at him. He’s playing with dolls. He even brought his own! I never let him take them out of his room but I made an exception for today, because we were meeting you at Iglesia Adventista, so he could play with Naomi while we talk. He got all excited and grabbed all his dolls.
Naomi is adorable and, yes, they are adorable together—but he never once has spoken about her. I don’t want to burst any bubbles but I have three boys and two of them are always talking about girls they like and love and think are “so cool.” Kyle? All his friends are girls. He doesn’t understand these things. He has no concept of what we’re talking about right now. That’s why this conversation is going nowhere.
No, we don’t go to Iglesia Adventista. This is my first time here. But you don’t go here either? I wanted to meet here so we could be comfortable—or at least around people who are like us.
Grace Christian isn’t that great. We both know that. We also both know that it’s a better place for people like us. Kyle was at Memorial Baptist for a year. Him, his older brother, and his younger brother. They were all there before starting at Grace Christian. I took them out because Daryl—
Yes, Pastor Reiner. He put them in special education. All three of my boys went there and had to take special education classes where they were taught English even though they can clearly already speak English. That’s where Naomi will end up if she goes there: in Reiner’s little white people camp.
Carla. Listen to me. People like us go to Memorial Baptist and everyone there laughs. They talk about us and pretend we can’t speak English. At Grace Christian, they at least wait for us to leave the room before laughing. We tried Memorial Baptist after pulling the boys from St. Joseph’s for being unaccredited—then Pastor Reiner did what he did. Now Grace Christian. It’s the best of the worst in this city. We have nowhere else to go.
Military and hispanic. That’s what he told me. “Your kids just don’t have a grasp on America or English.” That’s what Pastor Reiner told me.
I’m not trying to make this a race thing. This is a respect thing. They don’t respect us here, anywhere, and I am trying to make our lives as liveable as they can be. Grace Christian makes all this a bit more tolerable and, since me and my family have to be here until the end of next year, this is what works for us. Please. Listen to me.
Running a restaurant has to be very hard. I wouldn’t know anything about that and I have nothing but respect for you. I have no idea how you can do everything that you do.
But what I do know is that running a family is hard enough. This is more than an incident between Naomi and Kyle. We have to stick together. The discipline Dr. Branch put on Kyle is enough. I promise you. We both have nowhere to go. I am begging you, from one woman to another, desde una borinquena a una mexicana. Por favor, Carla. Ayudame.
I am listening. I have been listening this whole time. Have you? I believe you. I believe Naomi. I believe Dr. Branch. I also believe my son. And, yes, he probably did touch her—I’m just not sure he knows what he touched and how that is a problem.
It’s very complicated and these complications are only deepened by our surroundings misunderstanding us. ¿Verdad?
Boy
We were laughing and laughing and laughing on the slide because we were tickling each other, every one of us tickling each other, and Naomi smelled so good, like she is full of cinnamon, and I was behind her and squeezing her and we were tickling each other and Danika pushed me down when I wasnt ready and there was static and I was scared for me and Naomi but we were laughing and I squeezed her and squeezed her and didnt want to let go because they were pushing us down and until the slide spit us out on top of each other and Naomi was on the bottom and I was on top of her and everyone rolled off and I let go of her and she was safe and Latoya and Baron kept saying “GO AGAIN GO AGAIN” so we all got up and were in a line holding each other, running up the stairs, and it was like we were all dancing and I kept shaking my butt because it feels good and funny and we were all laughing and then we got to the slide and all scooted down and we went down again and I held onto Naomi again because I didnt want her to break and she didnt and we spilled out again and got back up and we all yelled “GO AGAIN GO AGAIN” this time and I shook my butt again and Naomi looked back at me and saw me do that and said I was funny and that I shake my butt like a girl and I told her that I like the way girls shake their butts and I want to do that so Im doing that and she turned back around and we ran through the playground and I just stared at her hair which is brown and black at the same time and sometimes the sun makes it a little red so then it is brown and black and a little red and her skin is so beautiful and dark and I want to have skin like that but I dont even though everyone tells us we are the same but we arent we’re so different because she is Mexican and Im Puerto Rican which arent the same and she is a girl and I am not a girl even though girls are so much better than boys because they are nicer to me except for Baron but hes like me which is why we are friends and why we are friends with Naomi and Danika and Latoya and Sarah M. and Sara B. and Shiqi and Danielle and Missy but thats just a nickname because Missy, her real name, is Mildred which is a grandma name, which is what Sarah M. said on the first day of school and we all always play together and we all watch and do the same things together and they are very good sometimes when the boys are mean to me because they are mean to me a lot but they arent that mean to Baron because hes from here and his mom is a teacher at the school but mine is not so they are mean to me and Naomi she protects me when everyone is mean so I protected her on the slide I protected her because she protected me all the time and I dont want anything to happen to her or for her to get hurt so I try to help her so that she is always the prettiest person in our class because I want to learn from her how to be prettier which I did on the slide because she told me she liked my butt shaking and she smelled like cinnamon and the whole tube of the slide smelled like her cinnamon and I squeezed her when we went down the slide and I told her that I loved her because I wanted to be like her because she is a nice friend because she is nice when everyone is not nice and when everyone makes fun because of things like shaking your butt but no one on the slide did that no one on the slide made fun of me which is why I like the slide so much and I dont know why it has to go away or why we would not be able to go down on it together anymore but one-at-a-time which isnt as fun and makes me feel alone but I am alone now because everyone knows I did something bad to Naomi who I just wanted to be nice to and I just wanted to show her that I liked her but I made the slide break and no one can ride like they used to ride and its my fault for being me that the slide is now not fun anymore because I am me and was me on the slide and Im sorry.